In search of lost time

sometimes when I feel happiness, there is a deep, bitter sting of pain in the flesh of that fruit the contrast is a painful reminder that i've forgotten this soil exists. over many years. .  

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Vague variations on the ten bulls. A Zen parable on taming the mind in solitude.

. Whenever life confined me to solitude (with loneliness and feelings of abandonment being my most frequent tormentor), I tried to turn it around and remember that at age 10 ... or 8 ... I don't remember ... I wanted to be a monk. I try to tell myself, Look, this is the Himalaya you've …

Is there strength and resilience in constant disintegration?

I haven't been doing justice to this blog's title lately – in fact, it's made me feel somewhat guilty and ashamed. Reaching too high. This is because the last weeks have been another "zero point" phase – and these phases are so frequent in my life. (Sometimes I'm thinking of reading Dabrowski's Theory of Positive …

Your soul has left this house. (Loss poetry.)

Your soul has left this house. I see this. I felt it a few days or weeks ago. It just suddenly became obvious, like a blatant and self-understood fact. * I don't know where it went. But the plaster has started falling off the walls in a few secret spots; the paint has started peeling …

Letter to the other side. (Real life poetry.)

I live in your house now that you have died. We used to meet and part every summer, for 22 or 23 years. When I was a child, sometimes, after a year, I would barely recognise you on the level of emotions. After driving all night and crossing now mythic borders, I would receive a …