Grief, memory, synchronous time

Motivated to write mostly because of a reduced availability of humans to talk to for hours. So let's just send out speech, produce speech "as if" it were somehow meaningful without a specific listener, to the "internalised other" (which one?), or as a magic spell. The anonymous listener of the internet, some handy magic. Thoughts … Continue reading Grief, memory, synchronous time

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Gara de Nord

It's about 12 years since I arrived at Gara de Nord at 6 AM, having crossed the Danube on a night train in the spring, in a crazy scent of ... jasmine? I'm not sure, some very sweet, aromatic flower in warm, moist southern air. Probably not jasmine. I don't know what grows on these … Continue reading Gara de Nord

On hyper-empathy in the age of cities, strangers, mass and social media

Despite my attempts at basic witchcraft training in that regard, when attempting to leave my hermit’s cocoon and participate further in (some semblance of a) social life, I see the same old problem up-surging, the same ones that brought me into hermitage in the first place. There are people who are unbelievably wounded and whose … Continue reading On hyper-empathy in the age of cities, strangers, mass and social media

The queer book of body and emotions

I have been trying now for some time to formulate the overarching theme of the personal research I've been doing over the last years, seemingly jumping across areas, taking up new topics and dropping them, migrating across topics. It would be nice to write a book – actually that's what I'd already set my mind … Continue reading The queer book of body and emotions

How Berlin converted me to Marxism-Leninism

Well, not precisely. But in one of the cuddling sessions, N. said, matter shapes consciousness – rather than the reverse (or perhaps, much more than the reverse). I have not invested the time into researching whether this line of pop-marxism from the lips of my punk-dyed psychedelic-ingesting Berlin queer friend represents the theoretical plot accurately … Continue reading How Berlin converted me to Marxism-Leninism

Recycling ruined canvasses is like working with your past.

In a previous post I have documented the process of ruining a simple landscape sketch.  Since I don't like wasting canvasses (or wasting paint), I keep occasionally trying to somehow "fix" or improve the situation of that horrible canvas.  I figured out that one of the reasons I ruin sketches is that by adding more … Continue reading Recycling ruined canvasses is like working with your past.

Guitar meditation #2 and autistic learning curves

https://soundcloud.com/sasha_tramp/longer-morning-guitar-meditation I've been trying to teach myself various musical instruments since I was a kid.  I think I tried to play guitar for the first time probably in primary school; as soon as my dad had one. There were always guitars in the house, in an era before youtube or even CD players, when my … Continue reading Guitar meditation #2 and autistic learning curves

Doctor of philosophy

That's the title of a (Polish) jazz record my guitar teacher made. (In 2014, the time when I was seeking self, meaning and homeland in dusty & martyrological Warsaw and on the side benefitted from spending the British pounds I'd shnorred from the last PhD scholarship on professional guitar lessons with an actual jazz musician … Continue reading Doctor of philosophy