On Pete Walker's book about Complex PTSD, the Fawn response to emotional neglect, how sensitive we are and how confusing mind-reading can become the habitual response to confronting humans.
I saw clouds of sadness of slowness I was welcoming solitude with a safety net with an "other shore". . I'm not sure why it's so difficult: either I am with you, and then I feel the compulsion to know in each split second what exactly you expect from me, what to say, what to … Continue reading Torn between the company of humans, of nature, of self. Some perhaps autistic perspectives.
I walked out into the woods talking with you one the phone until darkness fell and I had to find my way back with the deer crossing. . So you say you've been a man, just like I've been a woman. Sometimes you still are. I know, I see that duality, although I'm not sure … Continue reading Sabbath of the (trans) witches at the red river
Personal stories in the context of #TakeTheMaskOff – hiding and camouflaging autism spectrum traits for so-called social acceptability. How I did it, why and how I'm doing it less, results. . Accusations of authenticity I've been accused by a friend, a while ago, of always trying to be completely authentic. Even in situations in which … Continue reading Autistic masking and authenticity. #TakeTheMaskOff
When leaving Berlin last time, I forgot my laptop charger. I was so extremely focussed on not forgetting to put the laptop into the case and the case into the bag (seems that's sufficient executive function complexity for my travel stressed mind) that I forgot to routine check where the charger is. I don't like … Continue reading Another one on anchors and lighthouses. Losing electronics while traveling and the joys of aspie meltdowns in unknown places.
A few days ago I bumped into an excellent blog by an a woman with (officially diagnosed) Asperger's (this one). In addition to that, after debriefing me about my family life, my therapist/coach asked whether my father is autistic (based on a brief description I gave of our relationship). And for the cherry on … Continue reading Asperger’s revisited. Autistic, gifted, sensitive, psychic?
I'm a physical (and emotional) empath, or as I recently learned – someone with mirror-touch synaesthesia. Meaning that I feel other people's sensations in my own body when I focus on a person, or on more sensitive days, when I just see the person (that includes random strangers in the street); and sometimes (apparently) when … Continue reading Mirror touch synaesthesia and feeling others’ pain
Kindergarten I remember way back in kindergarten, one of the girls came in with a bandaged limb (I don't remember exactly which one it was). I couldn't bear looking at it; and ended up feeling the pain in my body, long after I had left the class. I didn't think much of that. Stray dogs … Continue reading The physical empath enters your knee