I usually don't write about the good times on here because writing is mostly my tool for getting through the tougher times. When I'm well, I stay off screens; I stay outdoors, or around people without distracting myself with electronic devices. Some thoughts have been circulating lately around the topic of trauma healing (in this … Continue reading Getting half a handle on some basic trauma-digestion processes
Apparently, the strategy I came up with last time when writing about this topic works somewhat (Why invite depression for a chat when not depressed?) – that strategy is simply not freaking out (anymore, for the 5,000,000 time) about the repetitive and unavoidable. At least it seems that when darker episodes come ... they come … Continue reading Depression teaches on the nature of the mind. (Philosophy and pseudo-Buddhism from craziness.)
Catching glimpses of a liveable life of a habitable planet . here and there, usually in between of waves of catastrophes and dreams of tsunamis. . how many times can the fire bird fly catch the usual crash and reconstitute itself from atoms the way a caterpillar-butterfly does from cells?* . *apparently they actually decompose … Continue reading Habitable
Today I've given myself the freedom to be rejected. To reject also – not as in "get the hell out of here you worthless sucker", but simply as in: this does not seem to engage me, touch my strings, or feel fruitful. Perhaps it's jarring. Let me withdraw my energy in directions that are nourishing. … Continue reading The freedom to reject and be rejected
This sound gesture is about maintaining my voice, in the face of car noise, birds and people outside the window. Interference. . https://soundcloud.com/sasha-supertramp/voice . All my life, it has been extremely hard – if not impossible – to hear, notice, feel myself when thrown into the tumble drier (or, more a washing machine) with all … Continue reading Finding and maintaining a voice … in music and life (incl. improvised piano audio track)
Taming solitude. To find all four legs of the table (or all four Jungian elements). To withstand winds. Winds of fear, demons that used to scare; but also gusts of delusion; and that which just hangs in the clouds, legless. That which stands upside down but does not realise it. . . Sometimes we live … Continue reading Taming solitude, once again.
This post has a soundtrack, me asking a bunch of questions on the piano. https://soundcloud.com/sasha-supertramp/questions . Can you hear the questions? - space to guess what the main question was - . Somehow I've been dwelling in nonverbal land, still there. Emotions, sounds, sights, shapes, colours, feelings, patterns, rhythms, movements, metamorphoses. Waiting for the periodic … Continue reading Can you hear the questions? (in today’s piano improv soundtrack)
This is another day when I don't really have words. But here is what it feels like to be me today. And this piece is for Jenna. . Do you understand the language of sounds? . https://soundcloud.com/sasha-supertramp/what-it-feels-like-to-be-me-today-for-jenna . Another musical journal entry happened on May 11. Need endless improvised piano music for contemplation & meditation, … Continue reading Journal entry in music (July 10). Calm improvised piano music for thinking and feeling.
I can't stand "reading" music, I can't stand sheet music, I can't stand music lessons. You too? I can't play by ear too well either, can't sing on pitch and sometimes find it hard to tune a guitar (I can hear two tones are different, which the heck is higher?). But I still love producing … Continue reading How to learn the piano by feel: grey day meditation. (Improvisation.)