I've written about adventures in implicit memory a while ago. Apparently, there's a type of memory in which everything is simultaneous – or, at least, whenever something is recalled, it feels just as if it were present. In neuroscience and psychology, the standard terms are explicit vs. implicit memory, where the former is verbal-based and … Continue reading What do you call a trip guide journeying in implicit memory?
I've taken "days off" from some of my daily routine activities in the name of attempting to do an intelligent emotional aikido move that I'd call "diving under the wave". Some sensation of lowness, slowness and heaviness hit me like a massive wave hits a beach, resulting in some disintegration as well, and I decided … Continue reading Burnout and diving under the wave.
As part of a certification course I've recently forced myself to read "Owning your own shadow" by Robert A. Johnson. This was on the way, literally on the train to a lengthy and intense extended family visit back in Poland. The book initially irritated the logic-and-facts oriented part of my mind with its vague metaphysical … Continue reading Shadow work in depression hacks
I usually don't write about the good times on here because writing is mostly my tool for getting through the tougher times. When I'm well, I stay off screens; I stay outdoors, or around people without distracting myself with electronic devices. Some thoughts have been circulating lately around the topic of trauma healing (in this … Continue reading Getting half a handle on some basic trauma-digestion processes
In a "better", by most measures, life situation, still waves of this "post-war" type of apocalyptic depression return at critical moments. I guess I call it post-war because the inner image my eye sees is perhaps akin to how Warsaw after the uprising gets pictured (below an artist's rendering, I believe). The inner image is … Continue reading More ropes for traversing despair and depression; perhaps on perinatal trauma
In a previous post I have documented the process of ruining a simple landscape sketch. Since I don't like wasting canvasses (or wasting paint), I keep occasionally trying to somehow "fix" or improve the situation of that horrible canvas. I figured out that one of the reasons I ruin sketches is that by adding more … Continue reading Recycling ruined canvasses is like working with your past.
My recent project is to go from copying to painting without any models, based on imagination and memory. The copied work so far certainly looks more decent (see here). However, it's also annoying to not be able (or scared) to just paint visual thoughts, dreams and visions, and these things. I've spent quite a long … Continue reading Messing with representational painting preserving the fun of the abstract #1
Since my partner left on a business trip, I've been torn between doing a silent retreat back in my village, or just staying in the hellish city and trying to do the same – the upside here being that it saves me 2 days of travel and 2 additional days of anxiety/exhaustion around travel. My … Continue reading Urban retreat and nervous system deregulation
particles of darkness along a spine deep-seated, held for generations in flesh that was held tight we coexist with small dark particles of darkness and light they easily penetrate our bodies small beings of light and dark easily visit and disperse the erasure of darkness is not the point. the earth is exactly halfway between … Continue reading we coexist