A defense of self-pity

A colleague on one of my (perpetual, futile) PhD programs had a huge poster hanging in the office showing a majestic Eagle and saying something to the effect that animals never pity themselves [so – implied – you shouldn't as a human PhD student]. I've often seen this sentiment beaten up, but never quite understood … Continue reading A defense of self-pity

What’s the difference between depression and grief, and what to do with either?

So again, I missed yesterday because of a "wave" and have some catching up to do. I strongly suspect that today's practice will be the practice of accepting to produce some low-quality writing 😀 It's hard to get started, so perhaps I can again start with some self-centred topic. Maybe shame is a good one. … Continue reading What’s the difference between depression and grief, and what to do with either?

Resistance and desire, studied with the example of acquiring books

I just ordered and received Francis Weller's "The Wild Edge of Sorrow". I haven't gotten beyond the introduction yet, but the resistance to buying that book was remarkable – despite the recommendation coming from a reliable source (Karla McLaren and the Dynamic Emotional Integration course, possibly my best source of book recommendations this year). Frankly, I … Continue reading Resistance and desire, studied with the example of acquiring books

Grief, memory, synchronous time

Motivated to write mostly because of a reduced availability of humans to talk to for hours. So let's just send out speech, produce speech "as if" it were somehow meaningful without a specific listener, to the "internalised other" (which one?), or as a magic spell. The anonymous listener of the internet, some handy magic. Thoughts … Continue reading Grief, memory, synchronous time

The new strategy with grief, sadness and depression

Inspired by almost a year of working through Karla McLaren's Dynamic Emotional Integration model, and more recently specifically by Jessica Moore's articulate video on situational depression (the one that comes closest to my felt truth on the matter so far), I have recently on a long train ride taken up the resolution to try out … Continue reading The new strategy with grief, sadness and depression

How to keep your balance across cycles of desire and disappointment

Desire, hope, insecurity, disappointment. Hope, desire, hesitance, disappointment. Insecurity. Disappointment. Relief. . Some of us are bounceballs. But some are eggs. I'm not sure if you made sense of the sequences above, but that's what life seems to be made of in large part. For some of us these cycles are greater, deeper, more intense, … Continue reading How to keep your balance across cycles of desire and disappointment

Your soul has left this house. (Loss poetry.)

Your soul has left this house. I see this. I felt it a few days or weeks ago. It just suddenly became obvious, like a blatant and self-understood fact. * I don't know where it went. But the plaster has started falling off the walls in a few secret spots; the paint has started peeling … Continue reading Your soul has left this house. (Loss poetry.)