Since my partner left on a business trip, I've been torn between doing a silent retreat back in my village, or just staying in the hellish city and trying to do the same – the upside here being that it saves me 2 days of travel and 2 additional days of anxiety/exhaustion around travel. My … Continue reading Urban retreat and nervous system deregulation
Tag: emotions
Patriotic madonna #1
I was contemplating doing a copy of the Black Madonna of Częstochowa icon today. The dark icon I remember from childhood in my beloved grandmother's bedroom, and which is in fact to be found in every authentic Polish grandmother's bedroom. The somber beauty of the original painting (marked by the scars which have a story) is … Continue reading Patriotic madonna #1
Sketch with monsters (Dec 5)
This started a week ago as spilling some red paint over a canvas to express some emotions of the same colour. There was initially a sketch of an animalistic monster and a madonna (the one from Haczów) in there, but I've covered it up in a forest of abstraction mostly. I'm not sure I like … Continue reading Sketch with monsters (Dec 5)
The fine art of fruitful complaining
On a butoh retreat with many crazy artists in Italy, a Hungarian colleague remarked to me that I'm probably the most negative person he knows – I skilfully find something to complain about in any situation. He said he'd spent time in Poland (my patriotic fatherland) at one point and noticed that Polish people in … Continue reading The fine art of fruitful complaining
Sensitivity is strength
I've just once again thought of changing the name of my blog. For one, not living up to it. For another, kind of a pretentious title. Something absurd and witty perhaps. Then a few days ago, I bumped into an article on "being too sensitive" on everydayfeminism.com. In the context of black people's emotional reactions to … Continue reading Sensitivity is strength
Human, just more so
Having recently talked to an autism educator (at autismmatters.org.uk) and educated myself otherwise on the matter, I learnt that my current life situation seems to be quite the aspie classic: three degrees, three failed PhDs, no job, no house (residence in 6 countries and counting), constant background anxiety and and bouts of depression devolving the … Continue reading Human, just more so
Part of you
I so much like part of you. That part. I can almost fall in love with it, it's exceptional, it's fantastic, and unique, I haven't been able to find anything equal over the years. I don't think there can be another person like you. If that part is so awesome, the rest must be fantastic … Continue reading Part of you
Intergenerational trauma re-play
It was definitely a well-scripted play. Setting, surprise, suspense, culmination, resolution, aftermath, reverberations. A good portion of drama, directed by the echoes of the past, the fruitfulness and irritability of the moment, and a certain aesthetic sensitivity. Philharmonic sensitivity. When to increase the tension and volume, when to let it abate. The fallout was and … Continue reading Intergenerational trauma re-play
Freedom
Could I learn from you – freedom? I felt your heart wasn't chained your mind wasn't chained. You had no securities and you were at times fragile and naked like a snail or the wing of an insect, still moist and sticky. . Is this enough to be happy? . I wondered how you'd come … Continue reading Freedom