Apparently, the strategy I came up with last time when writing about this topic works somewhat (Why invite depression for a chat when not depressed?) – that strategy is simply not freaking out (anymore, for the 5,000,000 time) about the repetitive and unavoidable. At least it seems that when darker episodes come ... they come … Continue reading Depression teaches on the nature of the mind. (Philosophy and pseudo-Buddhism from craziness.)
This post has a soundtrack, me asking a bunch of questions on the piano. https://soundcloud.com/sasha-supertramp/questions . Can you hear the questions? - space to guess what the main question was - . Somehow I've been dwelling in nonverbal land, still there. Emotions, sounds, sights, shapes, colours, feelings, patterns, rhythms, movements, metamorphoses. Waiting for the periodic … Continue reading Can you hear the questions? (in today’s piano improv soundtrack)
I've been planning to write a post about solitude, loneliness and isolation for a while. Is solitude good or bad? Everyone thinks it's bad. And I'm crazy I got myself into it. Then why the heck did I get myself into it? Is hiding yourself away in the country for months without having a face-to-face … Continue reading How to walk the tightrope between social burnout and agonising isolation?
Desire, hope, insecurity, disappointment. Hope, desire, hesitance, disappointment. Insecurity. Disappointment. Relief. . Some of us are bounceballs. But some are eggs. I'm not sure if you made sense of the sequences above, but that's what life seems to be made of in large part. For some of us these cycles are greater, deeper, more intense, … Continue reading How to keep your balance across cycles of desire and disappointment
Acceptance allergy I used to be allergic to the mere mention of "acceptance" in any kind of psychology or spirituality or self-help book. It would give me a psychological rash. Accept traumatic past events? Accept injustice? Accept the state of the world? . Acceptance solves most of your problems The general theme would be that … Continue reading How to misunderstand radical acceptance, and what being at home with sensations and emotions may mean.
. Whenever life confined me to solitude (with loneliness and feelings of abandonment being my most frequent tormentor), I tried to turn it around and remember that at age 10 ... or 8 ... I don't remember ... I wanted to be a monk. I try to tell myself, Look, this is the Himalaya you've … Continue reading Vague variations on the ten bulls. A Zen parable on taming the mind in solitude.
Late last year, perhaps in November, I decided to not be depressed anymore. A lot of crap had happened, and I was feeling crappy. I could sense myself going into the tailspin that I know really, really well – after hundreds (if not thousands? let me calculate the years) of repetitions. . Mindful, repetitious observation … Continue reading Is depression a choice?