The closeted autistic in search of a stim

A somewhat questionable post on dance improvisation, body awareness (feeling the internal states and thoughts of the body), proprioception, interoception, and (perhaps) specifically autistic movement needs (from my personal perspective; no general rules). Includes embarrassing dance club stories and a theory on craving movement, weight and resistance as desperately needed proprioceptive grounding when your proprioception is by nature foggy / hypo-sensitive.

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Vague variations on the ten bulls (a Zen parable on taming the mind)

. Whenever life confined me to solitude (with loneliness and feelings of abandonment being my most frequent tormentor), I tried to turn it around and remember that at age 10 ... or 8 ... I don't remember ... I wanted to be a monk. I try to tell myself, Look, this is the Himalaya you've … Continue reading Vague variations on the ten bulls (a Zen parable on taming the mind)

Using giftedness to mask autism; overlooked gifted autistic girls

This is another bookish post, based on having read Roeper (1982) How the gifted cope with their emotions yesterday. Having been 99% sure that everything points to me being an aspie, I wanted to check the last other possibility that seemed open, namely that most of my social unusualness and permanent feelings of isolation (or there … Continue reading Using giftedness to mask autism; overlooked gifted autistic girls

Positive disintegration, mental health crises as shamanic awakenings, post-traumatic growth, and self-delusion

Bookish and theory (but also exhibitionist personal) post on whether what's called "mental health crises" in contemporary parlance is equally well – or better – conceptualised as either the necessary growth pains of personality development (Dąbrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration; post-traumatic growth theorists) or the breakthrough moments in spiritual development (Brogan, McLaren, and lots of others including New Age shamanism). Includes bibliographical and Pink Floyd references. 

Suppressing autistic behaviours = sucking the juice out of life?

I knew I had a lot of quirks – even as a very young child I was vaguely aware that there seemed to be something special about my perception that others didn't share. I could look at the structure of tiny things like leaves, grass or beetles for a long time. I could observe ants … Continue reading Suppressing autistic behaviours = sucking the juice out of life?

Inheriting neurodivergent traits: blending the highly sensitive with the autistic, in a family (2)

This is the second part of an article on the differences and overlaps between being highly sensitive and autistic (which I see as two types of being neurodivergent). The first part of this article – my journey figuring out that my quirks and sensitivities are not just high sensitivity – is here. And this one … Continue reading Inheriting neurodivergent traits: blending the highly sensitive with the autistic, in a family (2)