A defense of self-pity

A colleague on one of my (perpetual, futile) PhD programs had a huge poster hanging in the office showing a majestic Eagle and saying something to the effect that animals never pity themselves [so – implied – you shouldn't as a human PhD student]. I've often seen this sentiment beaten up, but never quite understood … Continue reading A defense of self-pity

Burnout and diving under the wave.

I've taken "days off" from some of my daily routine activities in the name of attempting to do an intelligent emotional aikido move that I'd call "diving under the wave". Some sensation of lowness, slowness and heaviness hit me like a massive wave hits a beach, resulting in some disintegration as well, and I decided … Continue reading Burnout and diving under the wave.

Intense, complex, driven

Yesterday, in the post I published today, because yesterday I found it too pointless, I've mentioned my progressive and fairly cyclical identity explorations. Unpacking layer after layer of the onion, the onion being why on earth everything is so weird and it seems so undoable to live as an adult, or to "live like others" … Continue reading Intense, complex, driven

The new strategy with grief, sadness and depression

Inspired by almost a year of working through Karla McLaren's Dynamic Emotional Integration model, and more recently specifically by Jessica Moore's articulate video on situational depression (the one that comes closest to my felt truth on the matter so far), I have recently on a long train ride taken up the resolution to try out … Continue reading The new strategy with grief, sadness and depression

Guitar messing about making up chords (sound journal)

So it seems like I can mostly only write when I'm down; or very solitary. Seems like that's when I have the drive to. https://soundcloud.com/sasha_tramp/morning-guitar-improv-april-10 It seems though that there is still the possibility of talking through music, typically the more direct form of expression. This morning I decided to play around with modifying chord … Continue reading Guitar messing about making up chords (sound journal)

How Berlin converted me to Marxism-Leninism

Well, not precisely. But in one of the cuddling sessions, N. said, matter shapes consciousness – rather than the reverse (or perhaps, much more than the reverse). I have not invested the time into researching whether this line of pop-marxism from the lips of my punk-dyed psychedelic-ingesting Berlin queer friend represents the theoretical plot accurately … Continue reading How Berlin converted me to Marxism-Leninism

Washing machine blues # dilemmas of empathy

Waiting for the washing machine to finish washing, contemplating events of the day. My friend who got denied his application for benefits that I was hoping would pull him out of where he's been for decades. Disappointment, pain, and some practice in empathy balancing: me getting worried makes it worse for him. Thinking about empathy, … Continue reading Washing machine blues # dilemmas of empathy