More ropes for traversing despair and depression; perhaps on perinatal trauma

In a "better", by most measures, life situation, still waves of this "post-war" type of apocalyptic depression return at critical moments. I guess I call it post-war because the inner image my eye sees is perhaps akin to how Warsaw after the uprising gets pictured (below an artist's rendering, I believe). The inner image is …

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How Berlin converted me to Marxism-Leninism

Well, not precisely. But in one of the cuddling sessions, N. said, matter shapes consciousness – rather than the reverse (or perhaps, much more than the reverse). I have not invested the time into researching whether this line of pop-marxism from the lips of my punk-dyed psychedelic-ingesting Berlin queer friend represents the theoretical plot accurately …

Washing machine blues # dilemmas of empathy

Waiting for the washing machine to finish washing, contemplating events of the day. My friend who got denied his application for benefits that I was hoping would pull him out of where he's been for decades. Disappointment, pain, and some practice in empathy balancing: me getting worried makes it worse for him. Thinking about empathy, …

Half an update on the upper triangle of Maslow’s pyramid

Difficult to find a path back into writing after periods of action. Real-life action. Difficult to carry on with a narrative when the storyline is prone to sudden jerky jumps. Nevertheless trying to carry on with the commitment to writing, remembering over and over again how helpful it's been to me in the last months. …

Recycling ruined canvasses is like working with your past.

In a previous post I have documented the process of ruining a simple landscape sketch.  Since I don't like wasting canvasses (or wasting paint), I keep occasionally trying to somehow "fix" or improve the situation of that horrible canvas.  I figured out that one of the reasons I ruin sketches is that by adding more …

Leftover red paint #1

I don't like when I've got some paint left on the palette that would just dry up and be wasted. For some reason often red paint remains.  I had a lot of red paint today and decided to use it up in some way, and produced a series of abstractions that I honestly like because …

Messing with representational painting preserving the fun of the abstract #1

My recent project is to go from copying to painting without any models, based on imagination and memory.  The copied work so far certainly looks more decent (see here). However, it's also annoying to not be able (or scared) to just paint visual thoughts, dreams and visions, and these things.  I've spent quite a long …

Guitar meditation #2 and autistic learning curves

https://soundcloud.com/sasha_tramp/longer-morning-guitar-meditation I've been trying to teach myself various musical instruments since I was a kid.  I think I tried to play guitar for the first time probably in primary school; as soon as my dad had one. There were always guitars in the house, in an era before youtube or even CD players, when my …

Doctor of philosophy

That's the title of a (Polish) jazz record my guitar teacher made. (In 2014, the time when I was seeking self, meaning and homeland in dusty & martyrological Warsaw and on the side benefitted from spending the British pounds I'd shnorred from the last PhD scholarship on professional guitar lessons with an actual jazz musician …