A defense of self-pity

A colleague on one of my (perpetual, futile) PhD programs had a huge poster hanging in the office showing a majestic Eagle and saying something to the effect that animals never pity themselves [so – implied – you shouldn't as a human PhD student]. I've often seen this sentiment beaten up, but never quite understood … Continue reading A defense of self-pity

What do you call a trip guide journeying in implicit memory?

I've written about adventures in implicit memory a while ago. Apparently, there's a type of memory in which everything is simultaneous – or, at least, whenever something is recalled, it feels just as if it were present. In neuroscience and psychology, the standard terms are explicit vs. implicit memory, where the former is verbal-based and … Continue reading What do you call a trip guide journeying in implicit memory?

Chewing on and trying to digest Martha Beck.

I'm struggling a bit with Martha Beck these days. I've gone back to continue reading her book "Finding your way in a wild new world", which is the oddest mix of things, yet turns out relatively coherent. Despite the non-informative title, the content of the book seems to be hear 4 or so years of … Continue reading Chewing on and trying to digest Martha Beck.

Burnout and diving under the wave.

I've taken "days off" from some of my daily routine activities in the name of attempting to do an intelligent emotional aikido move that I'd call "diving under the wave". Some sensation of lowness, slowness and heaviness hit me like a massive wave hits a beach, resulting in some disintegration as well, and I decided … Continue reading Burnout and diving under the wave.

What’s the difference between depression and grief, and what to do with either?

So again, I missed yesterday because of a "wave" and have some catching up to do. I strongly suspect that today's practice will be the practice of accepting to produce some low-quality writing 😀 It's hard to get started, so perhaps I can again start with some self-centred topic. Maybe shame is a good one. … Continue reading What’s the difference between depression and grief, and what to do with either?

Fragile animals and derailed trains, dreams and the vengefulness of the soul realm.

Today I'm actually even more "fatigued" than yesterday; not necessarily by writing, but by a "wave". Dreams about water. I have recently, with some help from the first useful therapist I've ever met, figured out another one of the repetitive dream symbols that have appeared to me over decades. Ok, the helps was fairly indirect … Continue reading Fragile animals and derailed trains, dreams and the vengefulness of the soul realm.

Inner rhythm versus daily discipline?

Already on day 2 of my "let's try to write every day" experiment (related to nanowrimo.org), this feels relatively wrong. I think the price for it is banal content. Or at least, unripe, unstructured content. Beginnings of thoughts, but not really the fruit that's perhaps actually worth sharing. On the other hand, reflections on the … Continue reading Inner rhythm versus daily discipline?

Resistance and desire, studied with the example of acquiring books

I just ordered and received Francis Weller's "The Wild Edge of Sorrow". I haven't gotten beyond the introduction yet, but the resistance to buying that book was remarkable – despite the recommendation coming from a reliable source (Karla McLaren and the Dynamic Emotional Integration course, possibly my best source of book recommendations this year). Frankly, I … Continue reading Resistance and desire, studied with the example of acquiring books

Grief, memory, synchronous time

Motivated to write mostly because of a reduced availability of humans to talk to for hours. So let's just send out speech, produce speech "as if" it were somehow meaningful without a specific listener, to the "internalised other" (which one?), or as a magic spell. The anonymous listener of the internet, some handy magic. Thoughts … Continue reading Grief, memory, synchronous time