Personal account of realising quite late that I've been masking autism (playing normal) for a very long time; recounting related history of mental health troubles, family insights (autistic parent), relationship insights, meltdowns and shutdowns, regrets, hopes, reflections, images, metaphors about the experience. From the perspective of a queer aspie; contains emotions, existential reflections, the Japanese flag as a substitute for a Dali painting, and resources on autistic women / girls and masking.
Bookish and theory (but also exhibitionist personal) post on whether what's called "mental health crises" in contemporary parlance is equally well – or better – conceptualised as either the necessary growth pains of personality development (Dąbrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration; post-traumatic growth theorists) or the breakthrough moments in spiritual development (Brogan, McLaren, and lots of others including New Age shamanism). Includes bibliographical and Pink Floyd references.
I haven't been doing justice to this blog's title lately – in fact, it's made me feel somewhat guilty and ashamed. Reaching too high. This is because the last weeks have been another "zero point" phase – and these phases are so frequent in my life. (Sometimes I'm thinking of reading Dabrowski's Theory of Positive … Continue reading Is there strength and resilience in constant disintegration?
I knew I had a lot of quirks – even as a very young child I was vaguely aware that there seemed to be something special about my perception that others didn't share. I could look at the structure of tiny things like leaves, grass or beetles for a long time. I could observe ants … Continue reading Does suppressing your sensitive intensity suck the juices out of your life?
Your soul has left this house. I see this. I felt it a few days or weeks ago. It just suddenly became obvious, like a blatant and self-understood fact. * I don't know where it went. But the plaster has started falling off the walls in a few secret spots; the paint has started peeling … Continue reading Your soul has left this house. (Loss poetry.)
This is to the magician whose love has the power to manifest as a physical reality about 6288.64 km away. So you don't see your strength. You are crazy. You think because I have determination and can lash out at people and spirits to stay where their place is, I'm strong. That's violence and helplessness, unless … Continue reading Love is rain at the roots. (Love poetry.)
Story time This was earlier this year. A friend who claimed that I had fixed her knee (this story: The physical empath enters your knee) called me up in Berlin, saying one of her friends was worried about her daughter. I had seen that friend in a picture, but never met her. I knew she was … Continue reading The black-footed girl. True story on clairvoyance, and why I entered and quit energy healing.
This was another internet blind date; in the picturesque market square of an Eastern European provincial town boasting a city hall with an original Renaissance facade; artists trading sketches in the archways of crooked, colourful toy houses. I didn't know anything about her apart from the fact that she knew exotic spices and was a … Continue reading The heart of darkness. A true story about clairvoyance and queer-dating crazy scientists.
The personal story part I'll start with a story, then come to theory and philosophising. A hippie summer in Brighton In autumn 2011 I was spending time in a quaint, colourfully hand-decorated fairytale house with a picturesque mountain slope garden in Brighton, UK. An enigmatic hippie-nurse with three grown up kids featuring the most individualistic, … Continue reading How I confused being on the autism spectrum with being highly sensitive.