Being me for me always implies some degree of being you. My nature doesn't come with built-in walls and noise cancellation and convenient, numb dampening. It must be comfortable to be cushioned, exposed largely only to your own thoughts. I can do that if i am alone in the forest. Or if i live very … Continue reading Being you
You aren't writing. A snake bit me It followed me across the Pyrenees The snake of opposites. . It wants me to achieve Coniunctio oppositorum Or balance Or perhaps it is just here To play the game of layers and cards To chop away at a rock whose shape i have not yet recognised A … Continue reading Melange from the mountains
I wear other people's clothes. I can't resist wanting to know what it's like to be you. Maybe it's better than being me. . Maybe it's a bit of relief from being me. A north star, because being me is disorienting. Quiet and disorienting in that no one has taught me to read the shapes … Continue reading I wear other people’s clothes
At the court of the prince. Pain emerges, the dream gushes forth into seas of the soul turned inside out and, unfortunately, upside down. Mars in retrograde doesn't explain the strings of pain in my stomach. But the arid yet formidable winds of Saturn, and the inverted faces of Mars and Venus -- you've almost … Continue reading The astrologer visits
I've just finished drafting the first part of my empath guide project. It answers the ominous yet fundamental question ... Are you an empath? ... in a way you probably aren't used to, with a logical and science-trained aspie mind that's been obsessing about these questions for a while. No angels, crystals, orbs, salt baths, … Continue reading A slightly scientific empath guide (with neuroscience and synaesthesia). Part 1.
I have written both about high sensitivity (in Elaine Aron's sense) and energy sensitivity before. In the last weeks, as I have been receiving guests to my hermitage after a looong (involuntary) solitary retreat, and especially last weekend, it "clicked" for me. Below is another fun exercise in cataloguing human neurodiversity (or my obnoxious pattern-matching … Continue reading What is the difference between high sensitivity and energy sensitivity? HSP vs. empath. Features the ghost at the lake.
Acceptance allergy I used to be allergic to the mere mention of "acceptance" in any kind of psychology or spirituality or self-help book. It would give me a psychological rash. Accept traumatic past events? Accept injustice? Accept the state of the world? . Acceptance solves most of your problems The general theme would be that … Continue reading How to misunderstand radical acceptance, and what being at home with sensations and emotions may mean.
... I can't do it. I'm too rational for that. I know they will do what their deepest will is, what their ultimate rightness is. I'm not here to oppose the plans of Time, of the tao, to change the dharma. I understand (and I feel) when people want to leave. * I strongly suspect … Continue reading Descending into the Hades negotiating over souls. (Panic poetry.)
Personal account of realising quite late that I've been masking autism (playing normal) for a very long time; recounting related history of mental health troubles, family insights (autistic parent), relationship insights, meltdowns and shutdowns, regrets, hopes, reflections, images, metaphors about the experience. From the perspective of a queer aspie; contains emotions, existential reflections, the Japanese flag as a substitute for a Dali painting, and resources on autistic women / girls and masking.