I've taken "days off" from some of my daily routine activities in the name of attempting to do an intelligent emotional aikido move that I'd call "diving under the wave". Some sensation of lowness, slowness and heaviness hit me like a massive wave hits a beach, resulting in some disintegration as well, and I decided … Continue reading Burnout and diving under the wave.
Today I'm actually even more "fatigued" than yesterday; not necessarily by writing, but by a "wave". Dreams about water. I have recently, with some help from the first useful therapist I've ever met, figured out another one of the repetitive dream symbols that have appeared to me over decades. Ok, the helps was fairly indirect … Continue reading Fragile animals and derailed trains, dreams and the vengefulness of the soul realm.
Despite my attempts at basic witchcraft training in that regard, when attempting to leave my hermit’s cocoon and participate further in (some semblance of a) social life, I see the same old problem up-surging, the same ones that brought me into hermitage in the first place. There are people who are unbelievably wounded and whose … Continue reading On hyper-empathy in the age of cities, strangers, mass and social media
Inspired by almost a year of working through Karla McLaren's Dynamic Emotional Integration model, and more recently specifically by Jessica Moore's articulate video on situational depression (the one that comes closest to my felt truth on the matter so far), I have recently on a long train ride taken up the resolution to try out … Continue reading The new strategy with grief, sadness and depression
This blog is about a year old now. Since my life has shifted quite a bit since I've started writing it, I keep thinking about re-branding or re-conceptualising what this is about. Actually the subject I might have the most things to say on recently is "survival in Berlin". Perhaps it's also relationships. Yes, I … Continue reading One year of hyper-empathy
Waiting for the washing machine to finish washing, contemplating events of the day. My friend who got denied his application for benefits that I was hoping would pull him out of where he's been for decades. Disappointment, pain, and some practice in empathy balancing: me getting worried makes it worse for him. Thinking about empathy, … Continue reading Washing machine blues # dilemmas of empathy
I frequently like my sketches much better than my finished paintings. As mentioned in the previous post, I often prefer not to finish anything because my feeling is that adding more stuff will inevitably ruin it. An example is provided below. I enjoyed looking at this, vague landscape sketch. Leaving room for imagination. Pushed myself … Continue reading Ruining zen sketches on Dec 5
This started a week ago as spilling some red paint over a canvas to express some emotions of the same colour. There was initially a sketch of an animalistic monster and a madonna (the one from Haczów) in there, but I've covered it up in a forest of abstraction mostly. I'm not sure I like … Continue reading Sketch with monsters (Dec 5)
I so much like part of you. That part. I can almost fall in love with it, it's exceptional, it's fantastic, and unique, I haven't been able to find anything equal over the years. I don't think there can be another person like you. If that part is so awesome, the rest must be fantastic … Continue reading Part of you