Human, just more so

Having recently talked to an autism educator (at autismmatters.org.uk) and educated myself otherwise on the matter, I learnt that my current life situation seems to be quite the aspie classic: three degrees, three failed PhDs, no job, no house (residence in 6 countries and counting), constant background anxiety and and bouts of depression devolving the … Continue reading Human, just more so

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Update on autistics in cities, sanity as a currency and tribal apoptosis

Long break from writing. Moving to another city in another country and a different (sub)culture, living with something like a partner, dealing with city, changes, trying to manage arranging an apartment. Too much to deal with to keep a focus on writing. Both good times in a busy way, and just overwhelm from too many … Continue reading Update on autistics in cities, sanity as a currency and tribal apoptosis

Torn between the company of humans, of nature, of self. Some perhaps autistic perspectives.

I saw clouds of sadness of slowness I was welcoming solitude with a safety net with an "other shore". . I'm not sure why it's so difficult: either I am with you, and then I feel the compulsion to know in each split second what exactly you expect from me, what to say, what to … Continue reading Torn between the company of humans, of nature, of self. Some perhaps autistic perspectives.

Autistic masking and authenticity. #TakeTheMaskOff

Personal stories in the context of #TakeTheMaskOff – hiding and camouflaging autism spectrum traits for so-called social acceptability. How I did it, why and how I'm doing it less, results. . Accusations of authenticity I've been accused by a friend, a while ago, of always trying to be completely authentic. Even in situations in which … Continue reading Autistic masking and authenticity. #TakeTheMaskOff

Another one on anchors and lighthouses. Losing electronics while traveling and the joys of aspie meltdowns in unknown places.

When leaving Berlin last time, I forgot my laptop charger. I was so extremely focussed on not forgetting to put the laptop into the case and the case into the bag (seems that's sufficient executive function complexity for my travel stressed mind) that I forgot to routine check where the charger is. I don't like … Continue reading Another one on anchors and lighthouses. Losing electronics while traveling and the joys of aspie meltdowns in unknown places.

The freedom to reject and be rejected

Today I've given myself the freedom to be rejected. To reject also – not as in "get the hell out of here you worthless sucker", but simply as in: this does not seem to engage me, touch my strings, or feel fruitful. Perhaps it's jarring. Let me withdraw my energy in directions that are nourishing. … Continue reading The freedom to reject and be rejected