Descending into the Hades negotiating over souls. (Panic poetry.)

… I can’t do it.

I’m too rational for that.

I know they will do what their deepest will is, what their ultimate rightness is.

I’m not here to oppose the plans of Time, of the tao, to change the dharma.

I understand (and I feel) when people want to leave.

*

I strongly suspect you paid one of these visits to the other side again.

Your soul is more diffuse.

This time my intuition is clouded by fear.

I feel relief, but I don’t know if it’s relief because everything will be fine,

or because you like it better there.

*

After years in a body that consisted of so much pain, that I only recently understood where you got your completely unusual, inhuman appreciation for joy.

You help me. A lot. You lift me up.

But I don’t have the conscience to stop you from moving on just because that’s easier for me.

We are cells in a body.

*

Silence.

*

Of course I lost that phone number again. To the only person who probably knows what’s up with you. Still hoping very much my intuition makes mistakes and this is paranoia … that I’m hopefully human, making mistakes based on emotions.

Why wasn’t I scared last year? When I also knew this would happen?

In any case, if your body and soul decide for this side for a little longer, I’ll be here.

I will be here and a cell in this body in all cases.

I feel the life and soul that is adjacent, as you do.

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