Letting others’ unhealed wounds heal you (kamikaze energy work)

This is a follow up to my last article (On letting people suffer as an energy healer) and describing a somewhat kamikaze method of energy work that I have recently discovered for myself (I am sure it’s described somewhere, but I haven’t come across it so far) which seems to help (me) with processing and clearing very heavy energies that have been taken on from others.

I don’t necessarily recommend that you try it, but for me it was a discovery to see that it seems to be working much better than other things I’d tried, while being – presumably – rather counterintuitive.

* * *

So the story, briefly …

I had taken on very heavy suffering from a client (that related to a bunch of things I’d also experienced in the past) and found it difficult to either disconnect from it or process it. This is something that still happens to me in the presence of some heavily burdened people (see e.g. An encounter with Santa Muerte).

Trying various methods to get rid of the obsession (“cord-cutting”, for me in most cases useless; distraction and pleasure; being rational, i.e. convincing myself that this is a separate person and there is no need for me to take on their suffering, etc.) I was being successful only temporarily.

Finally I tried a method that I had been slowly feeling towards already with previous instances (both clients and simply social encounters), which had in fact helped me in the Santa Muerte case; and this one apparently let me come to peace.

* * *

I worked it with painful, in some ways heart- and gut-wrenching energies related to serious psychological and physical problems in clients. Sensing that these energies keep sitting close to my skin and occupying my mind regardless of what I try, at some point I performed a mental switch deciding I will stop seeing them as “bad”, destructive, or threatening.

I think it’s hard – not only for me – to stop seeing energies related to self-destructiveness, suicidality, autoimmune disease, eating disorders, depression, etc. (some of the aspects I worked with in various people) as destructive, intrusive, threatening – something you don’t want hugging or even penetrating your energetic skin.

I don’t remember how or why I came up with it, but I decided to see these energies not only as neutral, but – being energy – sharing the same “divine essence” (hard to define) as everything else (animate and inanimate matter, spirit and spirits). In a way extending my generally pantheistic feeling of the world to them. It’s a bit like starting to see black as “just a colour” along with all other colours we see.

So I decided that being energy, like everything else, and sharing everything’s divine essence (by virtue of simply being part of the interconnected web of all that exists, in a sense), as a first step I shall show respect and reverence to these energies. Not in the character of worshipping them specifically for being “dark” and saturated with suffering, but simply in the character of being part of creation, so to speak; of also containing the inner spark of life–dynamics–movement just like everything else does; and also of – as I sensed and know from experience – being fluid, able to fluidly transform into other forms of energy (working with my private entities I had seen that often enough), hence not separate from everything else (also not from the “light”; containing its condensed seed and a path back in some sense that I can in some cases readily sense but less easily describe).

I also went one step further and decided to treat these energies as teachers; since they bothered to show up for me, to for some reason accompany me for hours or days. They must have a point. So I (on some level of energy-communication) asked them to “teach me” whatever they have to teach, and just opened up to that.

* * *

They actually did.

I don’t know if these energies hold the same types of teaching for everyone; I could guess that perhaps not. In my case what they seemed to do – almost instantly – was to trace themselves back to certain roots of suffering within me. The sensation of feeling my client’s suffering shifted, concretised, crystallised around certain suffering-seeds within me. Perhaps like a fog condensing into nuts. I observed and contemplated these nuts only briefly, as they almost instantly cracked open or fell apart; and I felt cleansed and more solid.

The experience wasn’t as distinct as I am making it in this description; there were several, and only over time I have found this “storyline” in the sensations.

However, I have been “playing with this”, experimenting, developing it ever since; for example by directly asking these types of “stuck” difficult energy to cleanse me of what they came to cleanse me of; or to shift what they came to shift.

It is difficult to remember to do this, and to overcome the initial resistance in some cases. However, I have found that reading and addressing these energies as in a sense benevolent towards me, as energies that yes – I would respect and have a coffee with – I find them acting in a benevolent way; leading me through some pain which however usually has a purifying and solidifying feel to it.

Furthermore, it’s also shorter than the agony of trying to “uninvite the guests”.

In fact, the feel is akin to a very accelerated cleansing process, as if hundreds or thousands of “pins” (micro-wounds?) were pulled out of me in a very intense, deep, but quick process – which perhaps I would have been “picking out” manually for months or years.

However, this was also very intense, at least for me, on all levels – emotional, energetic and physical. An intense incubation process that needed peace, time, focus, a certain steadfastness. Perhaps that gets easier? Or perhaps not, as every new fear seems as real as the last one.

* * *

I’m not sure yet whether that’s a good idea, but having discovered this twist for myself, I am contemplating whether taking on clients who initially trigger and burden me – rather than avoiding them – could have a beneficial effect on my development as a person (in self-healing) and healer.

However, I would think that even when trying to avoid these types of difficult situations, I seem to be running into them frequently enough – and presumably it’s not wise to have this process running too frequently. Even though the end effect feels great, it seems to be an intense process that possibly takes a lot of energy from the bodymind. So seeking this out deliberately probably isn’t reasonable at this point – at least at a point where this occurs often enough even without inviting it.

Nevertheless this respectful relationship with emotionally and existentially “difficult” energies seems to contribute to me feeling safe and comfortable much more than trying to deliberately “push the light” (as I was initially taught by the first person who made me aware that what I’m constantly instinctively doing is energy work).

* * *

I also keep reading (online and in books on the topic) about people (empaths and/or healers specifically) being “attacked” by “negative energy” from others in similar situations. When I first experienced this, it certainly felt like an intrusion and possibly attack. And heck, was I afraid – of course. I still am scared of or wrecked by it part of the time.

What brought me “back” to this method was actually a childhood memory – I realised at at point that in early childhood, I only remember encountering what felt like “friendly” energy beings. I don’t remember “dark” ones. However, I thought, as a child I was also extremely pure, open-hearted, loving and one might also say naive – I could not imagine anything that showed up (people neither, for that matter) having anything but pure, good, reasonable intentions. I wouldn’t come up with it (e.g. even when certain kids did what I now understand was trying to bully me, I would just be confused about why they were acting so irrationally and ignore it).

You may say that’s naive, romantic, idealistic, and that my childhood was mild. It probably was. Still I sometimes think, maybe this innocence was what protected me on an energetic level during my childhood – that was why only “good” beings showed up.

I thought, hey, what if I tried this again – against the odds and against being, in a certain way, embittered by the world and having seen enough painful things to shut down emotionally (for years or decades), grown defences and suspicions.

I don’t know if that’s a viable approach to the human world. My recent experiences make me wonder though whether in the spirit world it’s of use. I do believe that our reality is in part a reflection of our inner life, and sometimes I wonder if that’s perhaps even more true for the spirit world than for the material and social world. I’m not sure – I don’t believe that in either of these worlds you can change things instantaneously just by imagining them to be different. Reality despite all has a reality.

However, stubbornly/counterintuitively trying to assume benevolent motives in discomfort-causing energies seems to be helpful in dealing with some of them, regardless of “facts”.

I am also wondering whether this approach has some kind of shared underlying mechanism with “radical forgiveness” or similar theories that I initially found crazy and that I still believe can be misunderstood and/or misused. But on some level giving up on knowing “true” motives or intentions or nature (whether of energies or people) and just postulating the ones that suit you most and make you feel best seems to simply be helpful when done on a foundation of I suppose caution, mindfulness and self-acceptance.

2 thoughts on “Letting others’ unhealed wounds heal you (kamikaze energy work)

  1. this is awesome. it’s reminiscent of what i’ve read of tonglen meditation, though your version sounds friendlier and more relational, more magical even – like eating your demons, respecting and integrating them. thanks for writing. it’s hard for me to express how resonant i’m finding so much of what you’ve shared.

    1. Hi, I’m so sorry it’s taken me forever to see this comment. I’ve moved to another country in September and lost track of this. Thank you for the kind words, and let me check what Tonglen is. I am familiar with some allegedly Tibetan (not sure how authentic) practices of feeding demons, and such. I feel like I’m discerning a common core in a lot of these practices, both traditional, psychotherapeutic, and DIY (stuff you come up with to stay sane), but still feeling out and working out how to articulate it. All the best to you.

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