An encounter with Santa Muerte (on surviving hardcore visions)


Last week I’ve been lured into “psychic experiments” by curiosity – a bunch of people claiming I’m psychic. Wanting to test it by reading the energy fields of random strangers over distance, without information or pictures (as I had the impression that I’m so sensitive that a picture has more than enough information for me to be able to do a “reading” without using any psi).

It, in fact, seemed to work. At least I got a “signal” every time that didn’t differ too much from the type of signal I get when working with people in person – perhaps even clearer, as I wasn’t distracted by dealing with the person’s physical presence (e.g. having to talk, look sane, etc.). And people were reportedly surprised by the accuracy (some of which I could check myself by seeing pictures later, as sometimes I’d also get empathic information about body build/structure).

One of these signals was very dark, heavy and oppressive. It felt like the field of the person themselves is dominated largely by the presence of an accompanying energy, or several. One of them I simply “saw” as a huge black smokey cloud that suddenly was floating in the room where I was doing the reading. I interpreted this energy and others (e.g. aura colours, also strikingly odd / unusual) to the person, and tried to “log out” as quickly and cleanly as possible.

Even though I continued feeling heavy and slightly “toxic” in my body, at least it didn’t seem like the “accompanying energies” were talking to me, at least (as sometimes happened). Still, I felt exhausted and went to sleep as early as possible.

It turned out that upon lying in bed, the real fun started – suddenly my mental eye saw, and my energy (and to some degree physical) body sensed a plethora or sensations related to bones, flesh, degeneration, decay, in short – death and its physiology and physiognomy in elaborate, visual and kinaesthetic detail. This was quite tangible and lasted for a while; it also seemed to be some kind of “energy vortex” that kept shifting energies in my body back and forth.

While this would have naturally been terrifying, I’ve had a large number of similar episodes before, so at a point I relaxed and just sensed into the presence and energy shifts. Despite all, there was a feeling of a certain benevolence, or sanctity to it; it wasn’t malicious; and there seemed to be something like a clearing process, that was somehow happening in part “through” me. So since I didn’t have the skill or knowledge on how to stop it, I relaxed and let it just run through, until it did.

I also asked “it” to teach me what it has to teach me, since it’s shown up to meet me. And to clear my heart of anything that’s to clear in “its” area of expertise.

While I was initially bewildered (what the heck?) at one point towards the end of the “vision” (energy storm) I “saw” the energy body of the client that I’d earlier done a reading on (now it was clearer, and for some reason had a vividly red transparent outline). That helped me “relax” in the sense of assuming it’s related to her – it helps to have a hypothetical “reason” for this type of sudden occurrence.

The whole thing had a weird “flavour” and “aroma” that I hadn’t sensed before. My only association with it was the Hindu goddess of death, Kali (bathed in blood, wearing skull necklaces). Although the whole thing didn’t have a “Hindu” flavour at all. But still I bowed to her in reverence.

The next morning I opened my e-mail and read a follow-up message from that client saying that the only “entity” or energy she worked with was Santa Muerte, a divine impersonation of death venerated for example in Mexico (a mix of Catholicism with some African roots). I figured, heck — maybe this was the one, Kali’s sister. I asked her whether she’d been doing rituals with that energy later that evening, and she had in fact be doing a cleansing ritual around the same time.

So I bowed in reverence to Santa Muerte, this time. Whoever she was and whatever the reason was that she “visited” me that evening – the reason presumably being that I’d been in bad shape that evening and botched my “log out” from this particular client.

Interestingly (and also thankfully), I don’t believe that this later evening vision was the “dark cloud” energy I’d initially sensed; as that one seemed to consist just of psychological heaviness and oppressiveness and did not have this “purifying” effect or any touch of “sacrum” within it. They seemed to be two different things.

* * *

While this encounter left me shaken and distraught for a day or two, and initially seemed morbid – it also set in motion a number of processes of reflection. On the function of such encounters. On what may be purified by them. On whether it’s morbid to worship death. On whether there is something to heal or accept with regard to it.

It also made me reflect on my dealings with the “spirit world” in general. Do these visitations usually have a point, or are they just there to bother me? Are they sadistic, or ultimately loving, or perhaps completely neutral? Are they intended, or just a result of my mistakes / lack of skill in controlling my skills / “gifts”?

* * *

Another consideration: I’ve had every type of vision since youth, without understanding their source or purpose, much less how to deal with them. It was probably Buddhism that saved me from (what would look like) schizophrenia, teaching me to just see and move on (neither fear nor fight nor cling – easier said than done of course).

I would have been far more disturbed by this encounter without my decade of (erratic, but nevertheless existing) meditation training. However, I haven’t overcome all my cravings yet, by far – the most sinful one, always dragging me into trouble, being perhaps the urge to understand.


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