Torn between the company of humans, of nature, of self. Some perhaps autistic perspectives.

I saw clouds of sadness of slowness I was welcoming solitude with a safety net with an "other shore". . I'm not sure why it's so difficult: either I am with you, and then I feel the compulsion to know in each split second what exactly you expect from me, what to say, what to …

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The Franciscan snake

A snake bit me in the Pyrenees It was the Franciscan snake Of empty-handedness, humility and trust If i want to help you, I cannot do more than the Biblical God. Yhwh (being the one who is) I can easily wait for you for decades I think i gave up talking And thinking Thank you …

How to walk the tightrope between social burnout and agonising isolation?

I've been planning to write a post about solitude, loneliness and isolation for a while. Is solitude good or bad? Everyone thinks it's bad. And I'm crazy I got myself into it. Then why the heck did I get myself into it? Is hiding yourself away in the country for months without having a face-to-face …

How to get out of anger loops. And why honouring anger is vital especially for HSPs, empaths, and every stripe of cultural underdog.

Anger defines the boundary between a "yes" and an organic "no". This "no" does not arise in your head (intellectual thoughts). It arises in your belly, for the most part. Perhaps the heart participates in it, when the anger concerns injustice done to another. (And if it is rage, it may even arise in your …

How to misunderstand radical acceptance, and what being at home with sensations and emotions may mean.

Acceptance allergy I used to be allergic to the mere mention of "acceptance" in any kind of psychology or spirituality or self-help book. It would give me a psychological rash. Accept traumatic past events? Accept injustice? Accept the state of the world? . Acceptance solves most of your problems The general theme would be that …

Human, just more so (2)

When writing the last post, I got tired and actually just stopped – after one section – before I got to the point. There was a point to the title.  It's a quote from somewhere, I don't remember where – one of the last book on ASD I read (Valerie Gaus, "Living well on the …

Human, just more so

Having recently talked to an autism educator (at autismmatters.org.uk) and educated myself otherwise on the matter, I learnt that my current life situation seems to be quite the aspie classic: three degrees, three failed PhDs, no job, no house (residence in 6 countries and counting), constant background anxiety and and bouts of depression devolving the …

Part of you

I so much like part of you. That part. I can almost fall in love with it, it's exceptional, it's fantastic, and unique, I haven't been able to find anything equal over the years. I don't think there can be another person like you. If that part is so awesome, the rest must be fantastic …

Update on autistics in cities, sanity as a currency and tribal apoptosis

Long break from writing. Moving to another city in another country and a different (sub)culture, living with something like a partner, dealing with city, changes, trying to manage arranging an apartment. Too much to deal with to keep a focus on writing. Both good times in a busy way, and just overwhelm from too many …

I have to talk to the spirits

I have to talk to the spirits For a number of hours Daily to keep the order. . You have to earn the money, You have to take care of the house, You have to buy things Take care of people. Learn things Create things Show things Prove things. . It is hard to swallow …

we coexist

particles of darkness along a spine deep-seated, held for generations in flesh that was held tight we coexist with small dark particles of darkness and light they easily penetrate our bodies small beings of light and dark easily visit and disperse the erasure of darkness is not the point. the earth is exactly halfway between …

Eclipse

hibernation slowness interiority clearly, the solstice has passed. clearly ... the inner ball of light takes on a glow becomes more distinct as the outer light fades. there is a relief. rain. there is a phase, justified by nature, for retreating. for thinking, for curling the energy inwards. digestion. of the year. (of the heat …