Torn between the company of humans, of nature, of self. Some perhaps autistic perspectives.

I saw clouds of sadness of slowness I was welcoming solitude with a safety net with an "other shore". . I'm not sure why it's so difficult: either I am with you, and then I feel the compulsion to know in each split second what exactly you expect from me, what to say, what to …

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The Franciscan snake

A snake bit me in the Pyrenees It was the Franciscan snake Of empty-handedness, humility and trust If i want to help you, I cannot do more than the Biblical God. Yhwh (being the one who is) I can easily wait for you for decades I think i gave up talking And thinking Thank you …

Some of us had to watch the catastrophe

Some of us had to watch the catastrophe Before we had the baseline We actually learnt to live that way. . Fixing the catastrophe is more important than sleeping Than eating And there is no concept of well-being. It seems presumptuous. . Some of us are not naturally selfish. I would give my blood for …

A cryptic and paradoxical text on soul reintegration

You've left me to the wolves. You didn't even know they exist, or that you were doing it. They are far more terrifying than anything you have ever seen. If you had seen them, i would know that by the marks on your soul. I saw more than you. . You didnt see the bright …

How to walk the tightrope between social burnout and agonising isolation?

I've been planning to write a post about solitude, loneliness and isolation for a while. Is solitude good or bad? Everyone thinks it's bad. And I'm crazy I got myself into it. Then why the heck did I get myself into it? Is hiding yourself away in the country for months without having a face-to-face …

How to get out of anger loops. And why honouring anger is vital especially for HSPs, empaths, and every stripe of cultural underdog.

Anger defines the boundary between a "yes" and an organic "no". This "no" does not arise in your head (intellectual thoughts). It arises in your belly, for the most part. Perhaps the heart participates in it, when the anger concerns injustice done to another. (And if it is rage, it may even arise in your …

How to misunderstand radical acceptance, and what being at home with sensations and emotions may mean.

Acceptance allergy I used to be allergic to the mere mention of "acceptance" in any kind of psychology or spirituality or self-help book. It would give me a psychological rash. Accept traumatic past events? Accept injustice? Accept the state of the world? . Acceptance solves most of your problems The general theme would be that …

Who hasn’t

Who hasn't been a Jew? My mum has, certainly me in my dreams. Who in central Europe hasn't? Probably only those who lack sensitivity, imagination, and a taste for books and history. Certainly I eerily sensed my past in the streets of religious Jerusalem, and you keep coming back to Poland, to visit no one, …

Gifted at the ancient craft

Gifted with the ancient, long-forgotten craft We take flight We see the shadows on the other side of the mirror In a world that has lost its concept of that mirror Still, instinct is awake, and somehow, ancestral memory is reborn through spontaneous perception. . Talented at an ancient art In yet another era of …

Intergenerational trauma re-play

It was definitely a well-scripted play. Setting, surprise, suspense, culmination, resolution, aftermath, reverberations. A good portion of drama, directed by the echoes of the past, the fruitfulness and irritability of the moment, and a certain aesthetic sensitivity. Philharmonic sensitivity. When to increase the tension and volume, when to let it abate. The fallout was and …

The word

A word a thread words don't render images words don't render sensations, feelings yet, sometimes we can recognise each other when they easily fit. . we can perhaps only see each other, or feel each other without seeing and feeling, words are no bridge when there is seeing and feeling, words are game and play …

Depression teaches on the nature of the mind. (Philosophy and pseudo-Buddhism from craziness.)

Apparently, the strategy I came up with last time when writing about this topic works somewhat (Why invite depression for a chat when not depressed?) – that strategy is simply not freaking out (anymore, for the 5,000,000 time) about the repetitive and unavoidable. At least it seems that when darker episodes come ... they come …

Freedom

Could I learn from you – freedom? I felt your heart wasn't chained your mind wasn't chained. You had no securities and you were at times fragile and naked like a snail or the wing of an insect, still moist and sticky. . Is this enough to be happy? . I wondered how you'd come …

Axis

There is no point in rushing oblivion Rushing forgetfulness. The imprint stays stuck in your heart for a while For a reason. An ember, a dried-up stick, half burnt. What's it still doing there, immobile. Seemingly useless. . I think sometimes If it's been thrown in under the right star sign It becomes a crystallisation …